A Most Unlikely King (False)
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: What are the qualities of a King? Some say a King must be bold and brash. Others say he must live louder than any other; be greedier than any other I believe a King's duty is to understand the hearts of his people. To live for them. Fight for them. Die for them. No matter the cost. Narutoxharem. Intersects with A Most Unlikely Avenger. Based on the Sixth Singularity, of sorts.
1. A Most Unlikely King

**A/N: WARNING!**

**Alternate Universe Ahoy!**

**There, you'be been fully warned.**

**Because Merlin is a jerk, and this is something he'd do.**

**I made a mention of a Naruto wielding Excalibur and people fucking POUNCED on it. I've gotten so much bloody mail about that; it actually made me laugh. People REALLY wanted me to do it. So I thought to myself, eh, what the heck. If I can write a story where he's literally given Gae Bolg by the living embodiment of immortality, then I'm pretty sure I can write a story where he comes to wield Excalibur. Perhaps even Caliburn at that.**

**I proudly present, King!Naruto.**

**Despite the title, he's actually fairly humble.**

**...and willing to clobber someone if they're up to no good.**

**As ever, I own no references to any sort of media or madness.**

**I'm just a guy that likes to play around with words and the insanity they bring~!**

**As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't like it. I dearly hope they do...I worked hard on this.**

_"Ah yes, the Sword in the Stone._

_We all know the legend now...don't we?_

_That's the thing about legends; they can change."_

_~?_

**A Most Unlikely King**

What are the qualities of a King?

Some say a King must be bold and brash. Others say he must live louder than any other. One could claim that a King owns all who live beneath his castle; and as such, all who kneel before him. There are some who say that a King ought to grasp all that he can in his lifetime. Another might argue that a king's duty is to guide their people and protect them. A king must be kind. A king must be fair. A king must be a just ruler. They must know the difference between right and wrong, between justice and tyranny. A king is, and can be, many things.

But above all, a true King must understand their people.

If the people need him, the King steps forth to fight for them.

If the people no longer need nor want him, the King steps down for them.

It is their duty to be the sword and shield of the people; the protector of the realm against all who would seek to do it ill from within and without. A True King does not think of what the commonfolk should give him, but rather, what he can give to them. That's what makes a good leader. Thankfully I learned that lesson early, before I

Me?

I never wanted to be king of anything.

Hokage...well, that was different. You're leading a small village, not a whole bloody country!

I didn't ask for that meddling mage to bring me here; it was never my intention to be summoned into another world. Another time. Another place. Damn that Merlin. Damn him to hell for tricking me. He told me he would send me back if I did him one small, tiny little favor. He told me he'd accidentally trapped his favorite sword in a stone and needed someone to pull it out. He never told me he _couldn't_ send me back; by the time he did, it was already too late

I fell for the act.

Hook. Line. _Aaaaand_ sinker.

From the moment I pulled that blade free, I realized what he had done. In that instant, time ceased to have any hold on me. It just...stopped. As though I were a frozen statue. I would never know old age, never lose the strength in my arms, never moved past the age of eighteen. Some might call that a blessing. I think of it as a curse. Do not be deceived. This is not eternal life. That's what the wizard told me. Your flesh simply ceased to age in the conventional sense of the word. You can still be hurt. You can still be killed. You did not become invulnerable or immortal. You have a duty to these people now; for with great power comes great responsibility.

So, I took responsibility.

I wouldn't realize until much later that this was all an experiment of his; a grand game of sorts. Merlin was curious you see; wanted to see what would happen in this timeline if someone-anyone!-pulled the sword from the stone before Artoria had a chance to do so. If it could even be done. In doing so he accidentally dragged me out of my world and trapped me here. I wouldn't even know who Artoria was until years later. One swift tug and Caliburn came free; then he made certain that absolutely everyone knew what I had done for all eyes to see. I wouldn't learn to hate him for it until much later.

For a time, Merlin led me about, offering the vague promise of returning me to my world once I set this one to rights.

One adventure led to another.

Before I knew it, I found myself saddled with a crown, a kingdom, and a throne I didn't want.

I made the best of as well I could; knocking skulls together, keeping the peace, recruiting allies where I could find them. Gawain. Tristan. Lancelot, among others. The latter still knocks me flat on my back whenever we spar. I just can't beat him when it comes to weaponry. I could tell you all their names, but we'd be here half the afternoon. Eventually, we came into possession of a curious lance and a holy blade whose sheer strength made Kurama green with envy.

Meddling Merlin.

I didn't want Caliburn and I certainly didn't have any use for Rhongomyniad or Excalibur. Why couldn't he leave well enough alone? To his credit, he meant well; there wasn't a malevolent bone in his body.

He even went so far as to train me in my dreams whenever I slept.

You know, I never quite reached Lancelot's level in mastery of arms, but I learned to use these new weapons with passable skill.

In time, I eventually met the young woman who had been _meant_ to pull the sword from the stone in the first place. The one I'd unwittingly usurped and saved. She arrived one day unannounced and chucked her helmet at me. Just...smacked me right in the head with it. Eh? How did I respond? I'll tell you what I did! No sooner had Merlin told me precisely who this woman in humble armor was than I threw myself at her feet and begged her forgiveness. I felt filthy inside; as if I'd cheated her out of her destiny. I offered her Caliburn, Excalibur, everything. Begged her to take them. She refused.

Do you know what she did?

She asked to be one of my knights. That was all she desired.

I, who had stolen everything from her, and she didn't even want the bloody throne.

You bet your ass I made her a Knight of the Round Table and then some! Arguments be damned! I wanted to _marry_ this girl! Two years of courtship later, and we did just that. To hell with the gossip. Jump forward a bit more, and along came Mordred. That's another story for another day. There was no grand rebellion. No war. The kingdom flourishes to this day...at a cost. One I never knew of until now. I would've realized the horrible truth sooner, but Merlin and I are barely on speaking terms. I finally took issue with his meddling and seldom see him in the castle at all, these days.

I never wanted this responsibility; let that be known now.

If I had my way, I'd be out there in the countryside, keeping order with Artoria and the rest of my knights.

But...I can't. Not anymore. Not after what I've seen. That meddling mage is still lurking about for that very reason; he's merely confirmed my fears.

Worlds are ending; I've seen them in visions, dark dreams that grow worse with every night, universes colliding with one another, wiping one another out. Those that aren't are being...taken. Billions of lives, eradicated in the blink of an eye. Countless screaming souls swallowed whole. In a year, it will be our turn; this reality will collide with another-unless we can find a way to stop it. I can't stand by and wait for mine to meet the same fate. I don't want my world to die; nay, I will fight to my last breath to defend it. And my eyes have seen only one way to do so. I would need the lance. She's going to hate me for this, but she'll understand.

For the sake of our people, our realm and our world, I-no..._we _have to fight.

In this world, it is not kill or be killed. We're beyond that now. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like. Sometimes we have to endure. Make the hard choices. We all have our part to play; sometimes we have to be the villain, even when we want to be the hero. We all sacrifice somewhere, something, somehow. Not for ourselves, but for our people. That is the duty of a King, no matter the universe, no matter the time. When you kill, you do it with dignity; you do not revel in the slaughter; you do it because it is your duty. For your people.

Live for them; protect them as best you can. Destroy those who would harm them.

What's the old saying those humans have these days?

Walk softly and carry a big stick?

Yes, I believe that's the saying. I made peace where I could; united when I could, conquered when I couldn't. I don't consider myself a king. I wear the crown, sit the throne, but I still feel ill-suited to it. What do you call a king willing to kill one world to save another? A man? A monster? A filthy pile of secrets? Neither? I no longer know. I only know what must be done. Do not hesitate. Show no mercy. If other worlds threaten to erase ours, if coexistence is impossible, if we truly can't exist side-by-side, then we'll just have to erase them. I do not wish to go down this path.

Yet neither do I wish to lose my wife and daughter.

In the end, Merlin proposed an alternative that doesn't involve the Lance. Its ghastly. Horrifying. But I see no other path forward.

He has offered me something called the Holy Grail. A device capable of granting any wish, no matter how great. It merely requires...fuel. I told him I wouldn't sacrifice my subjects-gods, I really do sound like a king-to this golden cup. In turn he proposed an alternative. Others would be drawn to this world, as he once accidentally-liar, liar, LIAR!-drew me all those years ago. Some might be invited. Others would be beckoned with...force. He claims to have made the preparations some time ago; to have prepared a space for this war. I don't want to know how he did it.

I do not trust the mage; but I understand that he has this world's best wishes at heart.

Our history must prevail. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all.

So let them come here; to our Camelot, to us.

Now let us have war. A war of those who wield the Sword and the Lance, the Bow and the Shield. Of heroes, past, present, and future. Let them come, drawn by the promise of a wish. Or let them be torn from their own worlds I have no interest in my other selves and their own machinations. None. Their involvement may prove...problematic. No. I've told him to avoid any incarnations of myself. Begin the ritual. They will fight. They will be die. And we will have our salvation. This has to work...because I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't. At least let these sacrifices mean something.

Gods forgive me for what I have done. Gods forgive me for what I'm about to become.

Judge me not for what follows, but for my deeds. My hopes. My dreams.

So come all ye challengers, take my Grail if you dare.

I wish you good fortune in the wars to come.

_You're going to need it._

**A/N: ****This story intersects with A Most Unlikely Avenger. Hope that alleviates your confusion. ****If it makes you feel better, think of this as a Singularity. ****Or a movie of sorts, one that diverged from canon.**

**Oh, Merlin.**

**What are you up to this time?**

**With that, I proudly present the third act.**

**So let's clarify things real quick, before the confusion mounts.**

**This is going to be the second largest war I've ever done. Dwarfed only by A Most Unlikely War.**

**Why, you ask? Simple! Because this! This battle is going to be special war involving Chaldea, Avenger, and the like. Now, that doesn't just mean everyone who hails from the class itself; but all Saberfaces we've seen in the series thus far; Artoria in all her incarnations, Mordred, Nero, Okita and so on. Setting should be obvious.**

**So cast your votes and hold onto your hats.**

**You're going to be**

**So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly?**

**And enjoy the up-and-coming previews!**

**They're rough atm, so don't think too much of them~!**

**(Previews)**

_"This is the only way. Now leave, you fake."_

_Avenger didn't rise to the bait. Not verbally, at least._

_Rather, he walked up to the throne and kicked the King off. "IDIOT!"_

* * *

_Artoria sighed. __"Leave us, Chaldea. I'll only say this once."_

_"How can be you be alright with this insanity?!_

_"BECAUSE MY FAMILY WILL LIVE!"_

* * *

_A blond brow rose._

_"Your majesty, stop! This is madness!"_

_"No, madness would be to stand by and do nothing. I won't let this world die."_

* * *

_In a heartbeat, he found himself face to face with two divine weapons._

_"EXCALIBUR!"_

_"RHONGOMYNIAD!"_

**_R&R~! _**

**_=D_**


	2. A Most Unlikely Moment (Interlude)

**A/N: Gao~!**

**Whoops! Wrong story!**

**Who says I can't update quickly?! Eh? OI?!**

**Now then, I hope you're ready for an adorable Mordred.**

**In her eyes, for the sake of this story, Artoria is "Mother" and Naruto is "Father". Much to the latter's annoyance!**

**Consider this just a quick update/fragment, because folks wanted to see King!Naruto interact with his family and see Mordred.**

**Now, lets keep clarifying things, shall we?**

**Someone asked about Guinevere and Lancelot. Yes, they are married in this story, with Galahad as their son. As such, Lancelot never went mad.**

**Artoria is fully in her Lancer form here, wielding Rhongomyniad, as expected. Mordred possesses a similar form to her mother, though she's still in her rebellious teenage years. Furthermore, it ought to be said that Ruler!Mordred hails from this timeline. ****As evidenced by the tags, Morgan Le Fay is in this story, and as ever, she's up to no good. ****Now, some might consider this a Lostbelt. Some might consider it a singularity. Well, I'll leave that up to you to guess~!**

**As ever, I own no references to any sort of media or madness.**

**I'm just a guy that likes to play around with words and the insanity they bring~!**

**As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't like it. I dearly hope they do...I worked hard on this.**

_"Coordinates set. Variables calculated._

_Commencing Rayshift._

_In three..._

_...two..._

_...one."_

_~?_

**A Most Unlikely Moment (Interlude)**

Mordred knew something was amiss.

She saw it in her parent's eyes; noticed the slight slouch of Father's shoulders as he discussed matters of state with the Round Table; recognized the telltale weariness in Mother's eyes while she sat the throne beside him and laid her hand over his. Perhaps some failed to see the tension there. Perhaps some, like Lancelot and Galahad, chose to ignore it, but not she. As the future King of Camelot she needed to be aware of such things, for was it not the duty of the king to know the hearts and minds of her people? And she knew a troubled pair of hearts when she saw one. But there was a time and a place to air her concerns, and that was not here.

As such, the crimson knight impatiently waited as the Knights of the Round Table aired their personal matters-grievances or otherwise-and forced herself to hold her tongue.

Thank god Merlin wasn't here this time.

These meetings always spun out of control whenever he or Aunt Morgan were involved; honestly, those two! She couldn't tell if they hated one another or just wanted to screw each other. Was the figurative? Literal? She couldn't be sure. Aunt Morgan and Uncle Merlin were just...odd. Aunt Morgan was always telling her not to trust them, she'd never believed a word of her prattle. Bah! What did that witch know?!Eh. Not important. Father was sitting down now, which meant the meeting was about to begin. She needed to pay attention. In any case, listening this time proved...enlightening all the same:

Galahad informed them of increasing attacks on the edge of Camelot's borders.

Agravain, as ever, advocated for a more forceful approach towards any and all such enemies.

Gawain spoke of peacefully putting down a rebellion in the countryside, which in turn earned the former's ire.

Tristan and Gareth had brought a band of refugees into the city from one of the outlying settlements that came under attack.

Lancelot warned that the people were growing restless; unable to understand who the true enemy was when the King had yet to make a proclamation-

"Is there a problem, Mordred?"

The young woman bolted upright in her seat, suddenly aware of all eyes upon her. Right. It was her turn, wasn't it? She had to give her report. What was she going to tell them? Should she inform everyone about those meddlesome foreigners she'd found wandering the countryside? Would they believe her? One of them had a shield with them...a shield just like Galahad. But that was absurd. She couldn't be the real thing, right? It was just a trick, right? She hadn't thought much of those ants when she saw them; hadn't even deigned to fight them as they sought out a Leyline, though for what purpose, she knew not.

Bah!

What harm could two kids possibly do? She was a merciful knight after all; it wasn't her way to crush ants who had no hope of resisting her. If they were just going to wander about like that, they were harmless. So rather than sought them out on a whim and greeted them. Little miss Shieldy even have a name. Mash. They'd shared their meal with her, despite the initial awkwardness of their meeting. The boy hadn't stopped staring at her; though perhaps that was her fault, given she was quite a sight in her armor-she really did need to get a new set with more room around the chest area-still, she adored any and all attention.

In the end, she'd bid them farewell and rode back home with her soldiers, not giving either a second thought. Hmm. She never did get the boy's name...

Perhaps, had she known what was to come, she would've killed them on the spot.

It would've saved everyone quite the headache.

Alas, it was not to be.

"Um...its nothing!" Instead, the young knight sputtered and frantically shook her head. "I don't have anything to report! Nope! Not a thing! Nothing at all!"

Mother concealed a small smile behind her hand, and Mordred knew she'd seen right through her. Father's indulgent smile said as much.

"My king, you are too gentle with your daughter," Agravain groused sullenly. "Perhaps she is too young for this task."

Ha! He thought that would rile her? "What does that make you, geezer?" she scoffed. "Too old by half!"

...such filth you spout. You truly are unsuited to become King." came the instant retort.

_Mordred absolutely hissed._

Those barbed words cut deep, deeper than any blade she had ever received in battle. It tore the scar off an old wound that she wanted nothing more than to leave alone and left her incompetence naked for all to see. That man. She hated him. Loathed his very existence. He always spoke out against her, always criticized her, found her every tiny flaw and exploited each and every one of them mercilessly. But to say she was unsuited to be a knight, much less a ruler...?! Of all the cheek! Of all the gall! There was only one response equal to such an insult. When threatened, she responded with overwhelming force. Perhaps that was the mindset of a child in a woman's body, but her pride called out for recompense regardless.

She jerked upright with a snarl, hands slamming against the table. "You wanna go?!"

The grim knight merely gave her a glance. "Did I touch a nerve?"

_**"WHY YOU CHEEKY LITTLE SECRETARY-**_

And then Father spoke.

_"Enough."_

One might not think a single word could instill such presence, but it did. Mordred froze, her body locking up under the weight of that word. Nor could she bring herself to move physically. In the same moment that she had reached for her blade, a golden arm snared her by the wrist to held her fast; even as another delivered a stinging slap to the side of a very startled Agravain's face and sent him spinning into a wall. To his credit, the older knight took the blow with nary a grunt, accepting his punishment in stoic silence.

She hadn't seen him move.

"I thank you all for your most wisest of counsel." his serene voice rippled out across the Round Table, holding only a hint of bite, but it was enough to to silence them all the same. "These are trying times we live in, and all of you are bearing with the strain. Artoria and I will speak to them soon. You have our word, I promise you that. In the meantime, do what you can to put the people at ease." those burning blue eyes took each of them in, one after the other. "Know that I believe in each and every one of you; for you are men and women of Camelot, and I trust you to keep this kingdom safe. Now, if our business is concluded...?"

Gawain was the first to stand.

"It is, my liege." his words were almost cheery by comparison.

"Then we'll meet again next week." Artoria's gentle voice swelled in the room, to which the knights couldn't help falter again. "Go with our blessings, and keep the peace."

It served as a silent reminder, that while the King and Queen had blessed each Knight of the Round with Gifts of their own-exemplary skills that defied the mortal realm-those skills could be taken away just as easily if one of them decided to do something...untoward. Even Lancelot, who had moved to extricate a still-stunned Agravain from the wall, paused long enough to sketch a bow before slinging his insensate comrade over his shoulder like a hapless sack of hay.

"My deepest apologies, my king and queen." he only narrowly restrained a smile. "I shall see to it that he is disciplined."

...there's no need." Naruto replied. "He's learned his lesson, I think."

"Ha?! No he hasn't! Lemme smack 'em!"

Mordred twitched and tried to start forward, to no avail. It was impossible to break free from him when he was in this form. No amount of squirming would rip her arm free from her Father's grasp. There was no need to be so churlish about it, either. Even as she growled at Agravain's slumbering body, Father unbent enough to pat her head; rough fingers smoothing her flaxen tresses with gentle affection. That was all it took for her seething mind to snap back to the present, the sight of his bemused smile and patient affection.

She watched them file out, and moved to join them once Father released her. Even now, she could feel her face beginning to burn.

"Not you, dear." Mother's gentle voice plucked her out of her reverie, and so she lingered, waiting until they were gone.

She took that moment to consider her parents anew.

As ever, they ruled with justice and kindness where they could; relentless force when they couldn't. Mother wielded Rhongomyniad, and Father, Excalibur. Oh, how she dreamed of the day when that sword would pass to her. Clarent was a fine blade to be sure, but it couldn't compare to legendary relics like Caliburn and _that _blade. Although father had forsaken the former in order to age naturally beside Mother. Hmm. On second thought, perhaps she didn't want Caliburn after all. The notion of being trapped at a set age forevermore was...concerning. Still! To have a sword like that...!

Just the thought made her fingers itch treacherously.

"Now, then. Why don't you tell us what you _really_ found on your patrol?" Mother prodded, drawing her back to reality. "Why were you holding back?"

Naruto blew out a breath as he crashed back into his seat. "If she doesn't want to tell us, that's fine."

Artoria elbowed him for his laziness. "Nonsense. Of course she wants to tell us."

"You say that, but she really doesn't look like she wants to...

Mordred flinched, despite those harmless words.

She knew in her heart that her parents weren't trying to pressure her in any way shape or form. They were just...concerned for her. Because they had whole of Camelot to protect, and the towns beyond it. They needed to know every scrap of information they had; its value, its worth, and weight. By withholding such information from them, she was putting the kingdom in danger. Suddenly, she began to regret her earlier reticence.

"No, I do!"

Because she loved her parents.

They were her world, her everything. Her all.

One might even say that she loved them more than herself.

It only made sense if one knew the way Mordred thought. If you treated her nicely, if you were kind, if you listened to her, then she would fight through hell itself for you. Her parents had done all that and more. Her heart was pure, clean as the driven snow. She would gladly dye her hands red for them; kill for them, do whatever they asked of her. So long as they loved her. That was all she wanted. All she needed. All she asked. If, heaven forbid, they were to ask her to die for them, she'd gladly go into that abyss with a smile, so long as it meant they survived. Not that the King and Queen would ever ask such a heinous thing of her.

Such was the devotion of an only child.

For all her smiles, all her wit, all her anger, Mordred was still very much a child at heart. Perhaps she always would be. In this era she had not been tainted by the wicked promise of rebellion, nor had her heart been taken and blackened by the bitter seeds of defeat and betrayal. She never once considered that her parents might actually wish harm on the newcomers she'd met; nor had she paused to ponder another matter; that those fresh faces with whom she'd shared a meal...might not have the best intentions for "this" world either.

"Well...

So she told them.

She told them everything.

About the duo she'd encountered,all of it.

As such, they were quite prepared for the storm that followed.

Alas, the same could not be said of Chaldea and their unlikely Servants.

It was the King's duty to protect the realm of course, but also to fight. And fight he would.

**A/N: Aaaaaaaaaaand there we go~! Author's note is mostly the same, so feel free to skip on down to the previews.**

**This story intersects with A Most Unlikely Avenger. Yes, the one in Chaldea at present. Hope that alleviates your confusion. ****If it makes you feel better, think of this as a Singularity. ****Or a movie of sorts, one that diverged from canon.**

**So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly?**

**And enjoy the up-and-coming previews!**

**They're rough atm, so don't think too much of them~!**

**(Previews)**

_Mordred's eyes rolled in her head like starstruck gems._

_"Eh? EH?! Two of them?! There's two...Artoria's?!"_

_Saber Alter arched a brow._

_"Poor child."_

* * *

_"I'm sorry, my friend." the monarch sighed. "But for the sake of this world...for its people...you have to die."_

_Avenger narrowly blocked the blow with his forearm, hissing as the blade bit into his limb._

_"That's my line! Now...get**...OFF!"**_

_Blue eyes burned black._

_And the King flew._

* * *

_Mordred nearly tumbled out of her chair._

_"I'm going to be a big SISTER?!"_

**_R&R~! _**

**_=D_**


	3. A Most Unlikely Invasion

**A/N: EDIT: Buzz off with the flames. They're just plain hurtful at this point. Look at the reviews if you don't believe me.**

_**AND YOU WONDER WHY I LEFT.**_

**So. Last of Us 2 got its plot leaked and...whoa. That's...a thing. Internet's on fire over it. I'm not playing it now after what I've seen.**

**But enough about that, away we go!**

**WARNING!**

**This chapter has a big honking reference/teaser that most aren't going to get. If you do, great. If you don't, don't worry about it. Its a throwaway reference to an already written story, so no need to worry about any surprises. ****I'll be at work by the time you guys and gals get this, so I hope you enjoy this early morning present~! Looking forward to reading your reviews when I get back~!**

**So many updates, so little time~!**

**Sorry if this is short, I'm terribly busy running around trying to update everything. **

**On an FGO related note, I somehow got Jeanne. Well. I'm content. Even if I had to suffer for it.**

**Been on an update kick lately, and unfortunately the trolls are still terrorizing me with threats. *sigh* I don't understand why they keep calling me a nazi, telling me to die, throw myself off a cliff, catch the virus, but its honestly getting a little out of hand. ****As a reminder, reading A Most Unlikely Avenger explains aplenty here.**

**In other news, still not feeling well. Not sure if caught the damn thing, but I don't have much energy these days. Been hunkering down and working odd jobs from home to make ends meet, so I'm not exactly in peak condition either. Don't worry, my lungs are just fine. I just don't know why I'm so damn tired...**

**As ever, I own no references to any sort of media or madness.**

**I'm just a guy that likes to play around with words and the insanity they bring~!**

**Once more, Avenger!Naruto is the current Chaldea incarnation. King!Naruto is a different entity altogether, and he doesn't take too kindly to intruders. ****I wouldn't call this a Singularity or a Lostbelt, but rather some strange hybrid of the two. Either way Chaldea thinks it has to go. ****How's it feel to be the bad guys this time around, Chaldea? What's that? Not so good? **

**King!Naruto is OP? Nerf please? Nope~! ****Too bad~! Here comes the chaos~!**

**Hope you're ready for some laughs, because here we go~!**

_"Poor unfortunate soul. So sad. Such a shame."_

_...right. That does it. Everything dies."_

_~?_

**A Most Unlikely Invasion**

...I've been here all of three seconds," Naruto growled as he stepped out of the light, "And I already want to burn this world and everyone in it to the ground."

"Well someone's on edge today." someone sighed behind him, "Did you and Artoria have another fight?"

"Bite me, Waver." his lip curled in derision. "Better yet? Bite Iskandar. Probably how he likes it."

"Ha! He got you there, didn't he?!"

_"Bwah!?"_

Smiling at his triumph as much as the roaring Rider and incoherent Caster he'd left behind in his wake, Avenger marched forward to meet this brave new world head on. Might as well take the bull by the horns, or so the saying went these days. He wasn't one to smoke, but the moment he'd emerged into this supposed Singularity, he found himself craving one of Waver's cigars. Or a drink. Maybe both. No. Definitely both. He desperately needed something -anything!- to take the edge off right now; because his entire being revolted at the idea of being here.

It didn't have anything to do with the leyline, much less the scenery; if anything, the view was downright pleasant to behold.

Rolling green hills stretched as far as the eye could see in the waning light of evening; from here, the highest among them, one could see far indeed. A series of small villages lay sprawled out in the distance in haphazard fashion, some nearby, others visible as little more than distant plumes of chimney smoke near a worn dirt road. Naruto ignored them, poison-gold eyes trailing past them to the towering city in the distance.

He couldn't quite shake the nebulous feeling of dread he experienced when he gazed upon those white walls; the feeling of being watched.

Perhaps it had something to do with his current class. Perhaps he was simply in a sour mood after dealing with the King of Heroes and his ilk. Perhaps it was the knowledge that another "him" existed in this era. It could've been any one of those things, or none at all. He wasn't sure. Was it too late to turn around and back the way he'd come? He eyed the summoning circle and considered it for a moment as another Servant emerged to greet an eager Fujimaru; maybe a lazy day wasn't so bad after all.

"Feels like a Lostbelt." he muttered, taking his thumb between his teeth. "Just what the hell's going on here? What kind of idiot sets up shop and declares himself a king? _Idiot._ What were you thinking?!"

"What's a Lostbelt, Uncle Naruto?"

Avenger jumped as a small voice manifested against his right hip. Without thinking his right hand descended, an instinctive act he still didn't understand to this day. Gentle silver tresses parted beneath his scarred fingers and a pleased hum greeted him as its owner leaned into his hand. Questing violet eyes regarded him curiously.

"Nothing." he muttered, idly patting the little Caster's head. "Don't worry about it, Alice. Go find your mother."

"But she's not here." Nursery Rhyme whined and buried her face into his fur cloak. "Besides, its cold. And you're waaaarm~!"

Naruto fought down a sigh and held her to his side. "Darn kid. Fine. Just don't tell her about this. You saw nothing. Nothing, do you hear?!"

She beamed. "Mmkay!"

Avenger willed himself to relax as the little girl clung onto his leg. Damnit. He didn't do hugs. He just wasn't any good with them. Too touchy-feely by half. He still didn't let go, choosing instead to wait in stoic silence for the rest of the new arrivals.

Chaldea would be fielding seven Servants this time around, not counting Mash.

Naturally, their most precious _kouhai_ came first. Naruto, Waver, and Iskandar had brought up the rear. Nursery Rhyme had only just arrived. Artoria Alter wouldn't be far behind. Naruto hadn't lingered to see whom the last two would be, but he desperately hoped it wasn't Mordred or any of her kin. Fujimaru claimed to have already _seen _a Mordred here. One was bad enough. But two?! No. He couldn't handle that. And why in the hells did she keep calling him a Zombie?! Was that an insult or something?!

Alter he could understand, if only because she'd accepted him as his own person during his tenuos time here. Nursery Rhyme was much the same, but she'd taken to calling him Uncle. Hurk. Don't think about it. Protect the child. Those two were part of a _very small group of servants _that he'd learned to tolerate. Mordred? Nope. Lots of nope. Nope sandwich.

There were other names too, other titles he'd rather not think of.

Gudao attracted the oddest sorts of Servants; some weren't even from this world. Some claimed to be from outside the throne altogether. He'd met a woman with one eye and an arm of shadow who snarled whenever he came near. Fake, she'd spat him. Impostor. Not real. What was her problem? What had her name been again? It had started with a C, hadn't it? Ci...Cin...

A startled squawk behind Avenger distracted him.

"Sorry about that!" Ritsuka wailed in the distance. "We've got a few tag-alongs. Looks like its going to be nine after all! Jack's headed your way, Avenger!"

_"Uncle~!"_

Then it was Naruto's turn to grunt once more as an unlikely Assassin latched onto his other side like a limpet. He knew better than to fight. So. This was his fate. Troublesome...

"Why'd you run away?" the guileless of an innocent killer greeted him. "You almost left us behind?"

Naruto tried to palm his face, only for the little devil to claim that for herself, too.

"He's a softie." Nursery Rhyme agreed, holding tight to his arm.

Chaldea was...nice he supposed. Odd. But nice. It was also teeming with Servants and people who knew him, or at the very least, claimed to know him. He'd never met them. They called him all manner of names. Yet another reason he would kill all incarnations of himself. Slaughter all copies. It was the only way...and if he couldn't do that? Well. He was going to throw hands at them. Lots of hands. And knives. Something would be sure to stick. Eventually. Maybe.

Nursery Rhyme and Jack shivered against him and he thoughtlessly tucked them closer into his great cloak. They giggled and his heart twitched again.

Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure why he'd called this world a Lostbelt at all. He didn't even know what the word meant. What _was_ a Lostbelt? The word had just come to him, unbidden. This place felt...wrong, but only for him. None of the other Servants seemed concerned in the least. If anything his allies seemed to actively enjoy the picturesque scenery. It really was a beautiful world; no one cold deny that. You could get lost here, make a life here, away from prying eyes. Made him sick, it did. He didn't run. He didn't hide.

_"Auntie Salter's here!"_

Nevermind. Hiding felt like a good idea right about now.

"I remember these lands well." once more the whiskered warrior felt a familiar weight brush against his left hip as another body joined his beneath the billowing cloak; this one brought with it the faint scent of charcoal and smoke. A slim body tucked against Jack's small form and into his own with smoldering ease. For her part, the little Assassin knew better than to fight and let the Alter have her way. She ceded his arm, but not his side for herself. "This is Britain. There can be no doubt. You were wise to bring me here."

Naruto twitched.

"Why are you all crowded under here?! This is my cloak!"

"'Cuz you're warm." Jack and Alice chorused immediately, drawing a groan.

"But of course." Artoria's black bow twitched in silent satisfaction. How the hell did she do that? "What's yours is mine, Avenger. You'd do well to remember that."

The Gluttonous Dragon, ladies and gentlemen. Destroyer of hamburgers and claimer of cloaks. Long may she reign.

"Ho?" perhaps sensing his disquiet, gold eyes not unlike his own gazed up at him and he was suddenly, intimately aware of her pale fingers threading through his tan ones as she wrestled his fingers free from Jack. "Does my presence bother you, then?"

...I didn't say stop."

Salter's gaze burned with triumph as she laid her head against his shoulder. "Time to go, girls."

_"Awww..._

"You've had your time with your Uncle." that same imperial gaze flicked down to the two children as they wilted. "Behave yourselves and you may have cake when we return. Perhaps if you carry yourselves especially well, I shall see to reading you a story before bed."

Jack and Alice _sprinted_ back to the two Masters. Despite himself, Naruto laughed, coughing against the smoke they left behind in their wake. "You're good with them."

"I am a King." she preened as they watched the sun creep lower and lower on the horizon. "I excel in all things. Unfortunately my other selves do not."

Naruto knew the warning for what it was and frowned at her. "What did you do?"

Artoria reared back with a fiery look and for a moment Naruto wondered if she would snap at him. He'd snap right back of course; it was part of the reason they got on so well. But the moment passed without incident and she slumped against him with a sound somewhere between a snarl and a sigh. That was all he needed to know her displeasure. Salter didn't explode with indignant fury like her pure counterpart, nor did she flail about and sputter like her Lily self. She seethed, holding onto her anger and unleashing it in battle. Another trait they shared.

"My other selves learned of this place and made demands." she put it bluntly. "They were forceful. Our dear Masters folded."

"Don't tell me your Lancer self came along." he hissed. "She's a handful."

"No." She grimaced into his shoulder. "Not...Lancer."

An explosion of loamy soil pelted their armored backs as someone unleashed a mana burst to neatly cleaved the hill in half. Salter snarled. Naruto wasted no time in tugging up his hood. Sure enough, the shouting started before the debris finished falling. So too did the condemnations. "Mordred! Conduct yourself properly!"

"Shut up, Father!" came a familiar cry. "You're a dick! Don't talk to me! I hate you!"

Naruto glared bloody red daggers at Salter.

_"Saber?!"_

She sighed. "I tried to stop them...but I was overruled. I'm only a Four-Star, after all."

Of all the outcomes he could've predicted, this might well be the worse. He'd learned to tolerate several Servants. Artoria Pendradon -as she truly was- was not one of them. If anything, she was one of the few beings he genuinely despised. For some reason his spiritual core _burned_ when he looked at her, and something deep within him howled for her head...even as it pitied her. They must have had an ugly encounter in another war; or perhaps the feelings the feelings he'd received were fragmented. He didn't know. Didn't care to know.

And now Mordred was with her.

Could this day possibly get any worse? In hindsight, he shouldn't have tempted Fate.

"Ho, there!" a new voice called from afar to cut their argument short. "Might you be the Chaldeans?"

Nearly half a dozen heroes rounded on the sudden sound, weapons drawn.

At a glance, they weren't much to look at; a girl clad in burnished steel armor, wielding a towering lance and mighty shield. Even then, Avenger only knew it to be a girl by the young face that peeked out behind her visor; while her armor certainly stood fast in the face of their scrutiny, that helmet looked just a touch too large for the poor thing.

Whomever she was, she absolutely _yelped_ at the sight of so many angry faces trained on her.

"Wait, wait, wait! I come in peace!" the new Servant, for the being before them could only be such to trot toward them and stand fast under such pressure, raised their palms. "Please don't kill me. His majesty would be very cross if you killed one of his knights. That and I really don't wanna die."

"His...

Mordred blinked.

Salter tilted her head.

...majesty?!" Artoria absolutely squawked.

Naruto grit his teeth to bite back the peal of laughter that followed.

"Hmm. A younger version of our queen. Fascinating." the girl grinned at them all. "Would you look at that. You really do look just like she did. It seems Merlin was right."

"Merlin?" Salter spat the word. "Did you say Merlin?! That fool is here?!"

"Oho!" the knight rounded on her with a cry. "Another one!"

Unfortunately in doing so, she immediately noticed Avenger. Even with his hood up and his presence concealed, he couldn't quite hide his whiskered cheeks; much less his striking blue eyes. Sure enough, the Knight saw him and all but bulled into his personal space. Her gaze locked onto him with the intensity of a laser.

"Wow. You...you're just like him. A little younger maybe, but still!" she wriggled happily beneath his questing stare. "Can we be friends?"

"I...what?! Too fast! Way to fast!"

Fujimaru tilted their head. "And you are...?"

"My name isn't important." the newcomer's smile didn't diminish in the least. "But I'll give it anyway. I'm Gareth, knight of the Round Table." she clasped both arms behind her back and beamed. "Nice to meet you! I've been sent by his majesty to collect you and bring you to the city."

"And if we refuse?" Mordred snorted. It was the most she'd said since the small knight had made herself known.

Gareth's smile darkened. "Then our snipers will play merry hell with your forces. Your choice."

Naruto's twitching became a full body spasm.

Well. That settled things.

_Fuck my life._

**A/N: Gareth really is something, ain't se?**

**As told in last chapter, King was quite prepared for the Chaldeans.**

** Aaaaaaaaaaand there we go~! Author's note is mostly the same, so feel free to skip on down to the previews.**

**This story intersects with A Most Unlikely Avenger. Yes, the one in Chaldea at present. Hope that alleviates your confusion. ****If it makes you feel better, you needn't think of it as a Lostbelt, or even a Singularity. Its neither at this point, merely an event ****of sorts, one that diverged from canon.**

**As ever, reviews are my fuel. Without them I wither and die.**

**So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly?**

**And enjoy the up-and-coming previews!**

**They're rough atm, so don't think too much of them~!**

**(Previews)**

_"We need not be enemies." the King's armored hand offered itself to Fujimaru, palm upraised. "I have no quarrel with any of you and I'm certainly not allied with any of those Crypters. Let us resolve this peacefully."_

_"Who?" Humanity's last master blinked._

_"Ah. It hasn't happened yet, has it?" That regal visage softened in mild dismay. "You poor thing. You have no idea what's coming, do you?"_

_"So that's your angle." Avenger stepped forward with s snarl. "Wow, we really grew a silver tongue in this timeline, didn't we?"_

_"Quiet, you." Naruto rose from his throne to meet him. "I'm still debating killing you on principle."_

_Blue eyes blazed gold. __"Just try it, old man!"_

_The King arched a golden brow of his own. "I needn't. Mordred?"_

_In a heartbeat, his angrier counterpart found himself pinned. "Hey! Lemme go!"_

_...was I ever that noisy?"_

**_R&R~! _**

**_=D_**


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